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I havent seen a movie in theaters since 1997, so as far as I’m concerned this is who’s up for academy awards, and while I’m at it I’m making up my own categories:

This Years Host:

Humphrey Bogart Academy Award Oscar

Humphrey Bogart!


Award for Best Oscar Snugglepartner:

Audrey Hepburn Oscar Academy awardAudrey Hepburn!


Most handsome & photogenic man in a tux looking through antique mirror:

Sidney Poitier Oscar Academy Awards

Sidney Poitier!


Best ‘trouble in paradise’ fake smile:

Grace Kelly - The Country Girl 1954Grace Kelly!


Prom King & Queen:

ginger rogers and Jimi stewart academy awards oscarJimmy Stewart and Ginger Rogers Oscars Academy Awards

Jimmy Stewart & Ginger Rogers!


Best acceptance speech on mushrooms:

clark gable oscar Academy awards

Clark Gable!


Longest running television commercial for a  fragrance line:

Elizabeth Taylor Oscar Academy Award

Liz Taylor! (p.s. you spilled some of that gin gimlet on your chin)


Most restrained urge to smak the douche standing next to you:

Bette Davis Oscar Academy award

Bette Davis!


Most disappointed that the oscar isn’t a bowl of Campbells Soup:

Joan Crawford Academy Awards Oscars

Joan Crawford!