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The most highly anticipated and beloved holiday commemorating love & St. Valentine is tomorrow. Horray! Another year sitting around the dinner table with my parents, listening to Aaron Neville’s greatest hits and ignoring the fact that I’m SITTING AROUND THE DINNER TABLE WITH MY PARENTS. Since I dont have a smokin’ hot date planned, I am letting my sordid imagination run wild. The following are a few valentines date scenarios inspired by spring/summer/fall fashion lines:

What I’d wear with who & and what we’d do….


Alexander McQueen Resort 2011 Johnny Depp Sweeny Todd

Alexander McQueen Resort 2011

While Sweeny is trying to avenge his wife’s death, he spots me and my split ends on fleet street and invites me up for a quick shampoo and trim. Falling in love with me and my voluptuous locks, he decides not to make me into meat pie but instead takes me out salsa dancing.


Patrick Bateman american Psycho Chanel Spring 2011

Chanel Spring 2011

Patrick and I will indulge ourselves by tasting a selection of expensive imported wines in his apartment while listening to Huey Lewis and the News. If I make it through the night he’ll walk me through his morning routine and then we’ll return his videotapes.


Daryl K Fall 2011 Ready-to-Wear Red Dawn Patrick Swayze

Daryl K. Fall 2011 RTW

Jed asks me to accompany him on a deer hunt while hiding in the Rockies from the soviets. After making a kill we ceremoniously drink the deers blood as he makes me an honorary Wolverine. Then he will sing me to sleep with “She’s like the wind”. Best. Date. Ever.


Burberry Prorsum Spring 2011 Ready-to-Wear, Jeff Bridges, Tron

Burberry Prorsum Spring 2011 RTW

My disgusting &  inappropriate lust crush on Jeff Bridges can only suggest that I’d be wearing this outfit for less than a fraction of the evening.


Top Gun Iceman & Versace


Ice Man and I would take a midnight ride on his F-14 while listening to the Righteous Brothers on repeat. After a lengthy conversation about how badly he wishes he was more like maverick, we’d head to sunglass hut and try on every pair of ray ban avi’s they had while fawning over his cut jawline.


Twin Peaks Deputy Hawk & Jill Stuart Fall 2011 Ready-to-Wear

Jill Stuart Fall 2011

Deputy Hawk and I would start out the night at The Roadhouse and slow-dance to the dreamy tunes of Julee Cruise. We’d then move things over to Owl Cave and Hawk would tell me haunting stories of the forest, ending the night with a series of his favorite Native American Chants.


Indiana Jones Harrison Ford Hermes Spring 2011

Hermes Spring 2011

Indiana would treat me to a romantic candle-lit dinner of monkey brains whilst defending me from evil Nazis trying to raid my lost ark. After a long and exhausting chase from the Thugees, we are rescued by Short Round and all go to cold stone for some mud pie mojo.


Luchador & Miu Miu Spring 2011 Ready-to-Wear

Miu Miu Spring 2011

All I know is that we’d start the night with a 30 rack of Tecate and end it with a bone crushing demonstration of his favorite Lucho Libre moves.


Which one of these is your V-Day Dream Date?!?!?

For more V.Day Fun check out my homegirl elizadeth’s blog for some valentine gift pointers.